Let’s talk about Sex.
Wait what? Isn’t this an entrepreneurial blog? Aren’t you a business coach?
Yes, yes and …… I wholeheartedly reject the position that so many coaches take that our personal lives and our business lives are separate.
I am calling BS and ready to explore business, life and the life of business!
Could you use some great sex in your relationship?
Sex should not only be physically pleasing but connective and sources from intimacy where you see your partner, seek your partner, passionately reveal your heart, thoughts, fears and flaws. And that they do the same with you.
Does that even feel possible right now?
Chances are if you or your partner owns a business it may not feel possible.
Esther Perel, relationship and sexuality expert, points out regularly that entrepreneurs and creatives are prone to letting their passion for their work become all encompassing.
In a 2013 study only 1% of entrepreneurs stated their sex lives have improved since starting their own business.
1%…. wow that number! It’s sad, it’s scary BUT it’s something that is changeable!
I know for many the belief that our sex life and intimacy doesn’t have to suffer might feel like a unicorn and rainbow promise. But as a business coach and marriage and family therapist I have seen entrepreneurs break the pattern and up-level their intimacy while they up level their business.
You don’t have to pick one or another.
If you don’t have to pick, why are so many of us letting our passion to cause our intimacy and sex life to stall, wane or crumble?
Is it any wonder that many business owners report questions about if their marriage will survive their business? Many spouses of business owners report feeling disconnected and lacking because “she could never feel as passionate about me as she did about her business or creative pursuit”.
So, have you accepted the belief that disconnected sex and a less than passionate marriage is just a reality of business ownership and the creative journey that realistic business owners accept?
Ways you might recognize that you have fallen into this belief trap.
Do this sound familiar?
- “We have both just accepted that this is a season that connection isn’t going to happen.”
- “My partner doesn’t understand why I love my business but that’s okay. They don’t have to get it.“
- “Kids, businesses, and life…. Who has time for sex?!?“
- “My relationship is stable. Business is so up and down. I need a place where things just are, even if they aren’t great… they are stable.“
- “He understands that this is for a season and we will get to know each other again in a few years when the business has reached x goal, or the kids are a little older.“
These are just the tip of the iceberg. There are soooo many ways entrepreneurs and creatives live out their under-the-surface belief that owning a business and passionate/connected sex is an unrealistic expectation.
There is another path, but before we start down the unexpected path, we are going to need to understand the path too many entrepreneurs take that leads us to a land of lackluster, infrequent and disconnected sex.
Mindfulness in business and life isn’t just about noticing where we want to go.
We have to recognize the pace, priorities and patterns that got us where we don’t want to be.
For many entrepreneurs and creatives, the path to a lack of connected and passionate sex involves:
- Being scared to show our partner our new selves and thus, start holding back. (Owning a business changes you, but the change isn’t the part that is harming your relationship. Not sharing is!)
- Getting caught up in a pace that pushes intimacy out because we believe business must hurt, be busy or always on our mind in order to be successful.
- Not living in alignment with our priorities and letting things like in bed Instagraming and late-night e-mailing get in the way of connecting so you can connect (bowah chica wowow)
Do you see these in your life?
So, what now?
Now it’s time to get clear on where you’re currently at.
- Take out a piece of paper.
- Look at the list of paths, beliefs and choices and notice.
- Notice what you are scared will happen if you show your passionate and creative side. Are your scared of rejection? Lack of understanding?
- Notice your pace. Is your pace aligning with a belief that business must be hard or must pull you away from those who you love? Does fear of becoming irrelevant or passed over push you to hustle as opposed to connect?
- Notice if you set up your patterns in such a way that you are connecting with your partner or are you spending a lot of mutual time e-mailing, Facebooking and instagraming.
- Write out what you have noticed.
There is neurological power to writing out our fears, our beliefs and patterns. When we write them out, we move our brain from the place where automatic action lies to a place where mindful and conscious thought and movement can happen.
“I am scared to share my new self…. This isn’t who she married.”
“I fear that slowing down means someone else will get their bid in first and I won’t get the job.”
“I take action every day in reaction to my belief that I need to hustle to provide the stability my family needs.”
Now look at your list and pick one to share with your spouse.
Passionate sex stems from connection, connection from vulnerability and vulnerability from brave and open moments of action.
There is SO MUCH more to talk about in terms of having a passionate relationship and owning a business so look out for future blogs on the topic.
But until then, here are some other places we can connect so we can keep chatting.
- Join my E-mail Newsletter so I can let you know when we talk about more about sex, intimacy and all sorts of other thing related to be a business, life and the life of business.
- Join me and others in my Facebook community as we talk about all things business ownership, creativity, life and the life of business. Obviously we will be talking about sex too because we don’t accept that being a business owner and a parent must mean you can’t have a relationship that is growing in intimacy!
- Ready to take action now and take an unexpected journey to business growth?
I am ready to jump on a call and explore how I can guide you as you start down a new path of business ownership where you can be connected, intimate and have a thriving business.